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Quiet Sadness

deadleaf.jpg I am sad.

I hate to even admit it to myself as I write this.  I feel as though I need to step back from myself a little.  Like a little piece of myself has died inside.

I am not sure if it is because of the long winter, the hard patients that I have in the hospital, my children (whom I love) who have been having excessive tantrums lately, or that my anti-depressants are not working well any more, but I am definitely sad.  I feel like I used to be more caring about people.  I used to have time for people.  Now … now it is just rushing from here to there, just managing life only to fall asleep and start over the next day. 

I read this terriffic article today in Christianity Today called “Searching for Radical Faith” and the author described how faith lived out in its most radical form is quiet and non-attention getting.  So often I want to be out in front of everyone to be seen, and if I am really going to serve God like how I think He wants me to … I need to die to this.  And I honestly don’t know if I truely want to give that up.  Or maybe it is just that it is a cold, dreary winter and I am feeling depressed and overwhelmed so everything is colored by this. 

I don’t know.